Porn is love you can see.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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