I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sext me about skeletons
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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