Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
