i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
