He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
