In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
