i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
