Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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