Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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