i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
