I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
