I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's like heaven, but drunker
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
