were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
