That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
