Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
