I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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