I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
