I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
