I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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