It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
