He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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