My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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