wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
