i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
