Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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