you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
