Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
