I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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