While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
