evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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