come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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