3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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