How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
