Did I show you my penis last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have feelings that need drinking.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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