No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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