Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize