How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're not piercing ourselves today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
