you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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