I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
