yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
