Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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