You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
