Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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