Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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