I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
