I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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