What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
