she takes plan B like it's going out of style
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
