i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
