hotel room ftw
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
