Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
