I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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