He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
