the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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