apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
