can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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