Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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