You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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