covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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