Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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