Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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