My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
