My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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