I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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