I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
