Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
