fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
