You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
