I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize