Girls should come with a carfax report
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
