Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is my gift to your gina
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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