check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
