now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
40s are totally the cure
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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