I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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