why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
