quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
