So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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