so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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